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Of all of the controversial topics in the field of (serious) software development, static typing is probably the most divisive. While the topic leads to fewer homicides than the perennial Vim vs Emacs conflagration, it still arouses passions and anger usually reserved for Gungans and fans of Visual Basic. This talk dives head-long into the controversy and anti-typing rhetoric, looking at things through the lens of a language designer and enthusiastic type theorist. We will explore the many areas in which modern static type systems have failed (often in spectacular ways) and gain a deeper understanding of how future languages can reap the benefits of static typing without being awful.